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[fuck_it]

It feels like a long fuckin' time ago that Chris walked out of his hut on an island a long way away and found his brother's grave stone. He reckons it's still there, because unlike the stuff he had on him and Anwar the toad, it never turned up with him. At least, so far as he can tell. It's a big city and he still hasn't managed to see all of it.

It bothered him at first, that reminder of Peter still being stuck there while he'd moved on, but there's really fuck all that Chris can do about it anyway, so he mostly tries not to think about it. And he's been doing a pretty good job of that, at least until he cuts through the graveyard behind one of the churches on his way home and happens to look down at the right moment.

Or maybe it's the wrong moment, because he would've just kept on going if he hadn't seen the name on the stone there, the one he thought he left back on the island, or back in Bristol.

Peter Miles
Brother, Son and Angel

Where he goes, Peter goes too, it seems.

At least they're in the same place again, that is, if it's everything and not just the stone there. Chris never found out for sure on the island and he doesn't think he wants to know here either. He makes a note of the church he's walked behind and is about to go on his way— he'll be back to visit, he always comes back to visit— except the marker just next to Peter's catches his attention. It's just a wooden cross, nothing as fancy as what Peter's got, or as the ones with the giant statues of angels and all. But Chris's own name is engraved on the wood there: Christopher Miles in neat letters.

He doesn't know how long he just stares at it, but it's long enough that he loses track of time, that he forgets for a bit that he was headed home in the first place. Is he down there? Buried underneath the dirt, would he find himself if he dug into the dirt? It's fucked to think about and Chris doesn't want to know.

But there they are, both the Miles boys, just like they're 'sposed to be, Chris thinks. At least there's something dead set on keeping bits of his family together.

[Open to people who know Chris, set in August.]

Comments

[fuck_it]

It happened after a weekend he doesn't remember much of. Everyone's ages had been switched around and he'd spent two days trying to figure out where his mum was and making faces at the fish in the aquarium. That morning, he'd woken up to find Peter, and Olive had found Chris in turn.

It was fucked then, and now it's only gone and gotten worse, hasn't it?

He's pretty sure he's known Olive the longest out of everyone he knows in Darrow, but there's still stuff he's never told her. Mostly 'cos Chris knows how it'll turn out: probably the same as it did ages ago when the island made him tell Claire about it.

"'lo," Chris says, and he doesn't bother trying to smile when he looks over at her, "It, um... looks like Peter turned up."

[floozyfacade]

Olive recognizes the gravestone. It's weird, honestly, to see one here that she knows. She hasn't been here long enough that she should be able to, but there he is, Chris's brother, or at least his marker, sitting in the graveyard. She passed by it a thousand times back on the island.

"Hey, Peter," she says, quiet, and links her arm through Chris's. "Guess it's good he's here."

[fuck_it]

"Yeah. S'pose so," Chris replies, though he can't help but think it'd be better if he was just back in Bristol, back where he's fuckin' supposed to be in the first place.

But she hasn't noticed the cross next to Peter yet, the one with his name on it, and Chris can't decide if he should say something or if he should suggest they leave before she does. She'll stop being friends with him then, that much he's sure of.

[floozyfacade]

Good and easy aren't always the same thing, though, Olive knows that. She still can't wrap her head around the idea of losing a sibling like that, when she loves her brothers so damn much. Resting her chin on Chris's shoulder, she closes her eyes for a moment. It doesn't get easier, she thinks. She can't know for sure, but that part, she can imagine. It must hurt forever.

"These places can be pretty mean."

[fuck_it]

"Yeah, mate," he says, his voice quiet, and just then he decides that he thinks they'll be better off if they just go before Olive sees.

Because suddenly all Chris can think of is his mum and dad and Claire and everyone else who fucked off once they realized there was something wrong with him. And maybe there's not now, maybe dying fixed it all and he hasn't got to worry about a hemorrhage anymore, but that doesn't mean that Olive won't anyway, that she won't want to be friends with him anymore once she finds out what happened.

"We should go," he suggests.

[floozyfacade]

"Yeah, okay," Olive says, nodding. Whatever he wants to do, however he thinks is the best way to handle this, she's there for him, ready to go where he says. She'll go home without him, too, if he wants the space, though she'd rather not. What matters is what he needs.

She straightens up to go, hand still at the crook of his elbow, and that's when she sees it, a plain wooden cross next to Peter's grave. The sight of it makes her go still, feeling like a chill got stuck at the top of her spine. "That's weird," she says, because it could just be a coincidence. Maybe the graves here are in alphabetical order. "That one says..."

[fuck_it]

He shuts his eyes. It's only for a moment, but it's long enough for Chris to hope that when he opens them, that he'll be somewhere else and none of this ever happened. It's all the same, though, when he opens them again, and there's this fuckin' awful twist in his stomach when he sees Olive's face.

"It's um..." Chris starts, and he wants to explain, but he can't figure out the right words to end his sentence and to keep Olive from looking like she does.

[floozyfacade]

It freaks her out just seeing it, a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach she fights to ignore, expecting — wanting — him to say, yeah, it's weird, it's scary, it's nothing. Chris is her friend, and they've seen some weird things and been through hell, but some part of Olive still feels, deep down, that they're invincible, immortal. Nothing bad can happen to the people she loves.

But he doesn't say it. He hesitates.

"Chris?"

[fuck_it]

He runs one hand through his hair, grabbing a fistful of it for a second as he shuts his eyes again. He remembers something Cassie told him once, about how you don't keep secrets from the people you love. Cassie was always fuckin' right, she was.

"It's mine," Chris says, and when he opens his eyes again, he looks down at his feet so he doesn't have to see the expression on Olive's face.

"I mean, I think it is. Can't really know for sure, y'know."

[floozyfacade]

Because it's a wild guess, Olive thinks, a stab at a future he doesn't know about. It isn't true, though. She can see that in the way he stands, gaze downcast, the way he sounds like he's trying to be offhand about it but he can't be, because he knows. She wants it not to be true, but he knows and she can't change it.

And she has no idea what to say. It's not easy to leave her speechless, but she doesn't know. She's never had to face this before, tears welling up in her eyes before she registers them, her throat pulling tight. She wants to hug him, mostly to remind herself he's still here, still alive, but she's not sure he'd want her to right now, if might come off as too pitying or something. "What happened?"

[fuck_it]

Chris reckons he might as well get it over with now. The sooner he tells her, the sooner she'll decide it's not worth it. That's the way it works.

"Same as my brother," Chris says, and he taps two fingers against his forehead, "There was a thing... with my head." He's not sure if that's explanation enough, but he's not sure how much else he can say just then.

"Cassie told me."

[floozyfacade]

"Oh, Chris." Olive closes her eyes a moment, feeling like the world is spinning. She feels on a gut level that something horribly, deeply wrong has happened, but she still can't quite wrap her mind around it. Something is wrong, like the whole world has gone off its axis, but the idea of Chris dying, of her Chris being dead, is too much to fathom.

She freezes up, stands stock still, tries to remain calm. It's hard to fight against the threat of tears that come with the very idea of it, but this isn't about her. The thought is reflexive. This isn't her, this is something that happened to him, and she's not going to let herself make this about her by crying. Even if she can't entirely help it, stepping forward to wrap her arms around him.

[fuck_it]

Chris hugs Olive back, frowning mostly 'cause he wishes she never had to find out about all this. It was just like this when Claire found out.

"It's... it's not like I've gone anywhere though, yeah?" he says, because at least there's that. Though fuck knows what happens to him if he disappears again. But Chris is trying not to think about that bit.

[floozyfacade]

Olive nods, still stunned by the whole idea of it. But he's real, warm and solid, and she's grateful for that, a reminder that what he says is true. "Yeah, no," she says, "thank God. I don't want you going anywhere." She has trouble imagining it, for that matter. There were some months here before he showed up, and that in itself was strange and sad. The idea of him being gone for good is too much. "I'm just... a little shocked."

[fuck_it]

"Yeah," Chris says, "Sorry."

He pulls away then, though slowly, and scrubs a hand over his face, then back through his hair. Really, he just wants to leave, to be anywhere but right there, stood in front of his and Peter's names on grave markers.

"I-- I think I'm gonna get out of here, though," he says.

[floozyfacade]

Again she nods, reluctant to draw back, but unable to do anything but follow his lead. It's not like Olive has had to deal with this before. She doesn't know what to do. She doesn't think anyone should have to, or she would, if it wouldn't mean not having Chris here.

She draws in a deep breath, steadying herself, and lets it out again slowly. "Do you want me to... I don't know, go with you? Do you wanna come over?" Maybe he wants to be alone, and she knows she should give him that option, but it sticks in her throat. She doesn't want him to be alone. She doesn't want him out of her sight yet, and it's selfish, and she doesn't care.

[fuck_it]

It's not that he doesn't want Olive round or anything, Chris mostly just wants to get away from the markers. He doesn't want stay there, stuck trying to work out whether or not there's a dead him under the dirt somewhere.

"Alright," Chris says, though he doesn't think to specify which of Olive's questions he's answering. Just so long as it means they're headed away from here.

[floozyfacade]

Olive nods, reaching for his hand as she heads toward the gates. She doesn't know which way they're going, not yet, but it doesn't seem to matter. She just wants to get him out of here, since the cemetery is upsetting him, understandably. Hell, it's upsetting her, too. The past is one thing, but she still has trouble imagining a future without them in it. It just doesn't occur to her until it has to, and then she finds herself fumbling, confused. He's just about her age. He isn't supposed to die so young.

[fuck_it]

Chris grabs her hand and walks with her, and the first thing he wants to do is ask that she not tell Eduardo about it, but he reckons that they're the type of couple who tell each other most everything. He'll find out eventually, anyway.

"Sorry. That I never said," Chris says again, but he's not sure if Olive's angry at him for never telling her. It's been fuckin' years.

[floozyfacade]

Olive shakes her head, blinking hard before she looks over at him. It's impossible not to tear up, but she's still too stunned to cry, and she's thankful for that. She wouldn't want him to see. It's no secret how much she loves him, but he shouldn't have to see her cry. "No," she says, "no, it's... you don't have to be sorry. I mean, it's... it's yours, you know? I wouldn't want to tell either."

[fuck_it]

Chris's frown deepens a bit as something occurs to him. "You know, if-- if you've got a thing too, a secret, you can go ahead and say too, yeah?" he says, though he immediately feels dumb for saying it, "I'm not gonna judge or anything."

[floozyfacade]

"I know," Olive says, nodding. She smiles a little, squeezing his hand. "I'm pretty sure you're about the last person who'd ever judge me." It's one of the things she loves about Chris. He takes people as they are, and never asks them to be anyone else. He loves them as is. Being around that feels a little like being back home with her family. "I don't have any secrets really. I mean, back home, everyone hated me, but that's not a secret, it's just something I don't really bring up."

[fuck_it]

"Yeah, well there's no helping complete wankers," Chris reasons, cos he doesn't see how anyone could hate Olive. Even a while ago, back on the island when she'd been assigned the wrong hut, she'd been cool about it. Fuckin' A-plus even.

Good riddance to the fuckers back where Olive comes from, really.

[floozyfacade]

"You know people," Olive says, shaking her head. "Can't win with them." She's fairly certain there's no way her past can come back to bite her in the ass here, though, so at least there's that. And if there's anyone who can appreciate how ludicrous her history is, it's probably Chris. "I mean, you know, I was... me, and nobody paid me any attention, and then one little rumor that you're a prostitute breaks out and they wanna kick you out of school."

[fuck_it]

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Chris replies, "Someone thinks they saw one little thing on CCTV, and next think you know, you're being chucked out 'cos your grades are gonna bring everyone else's down. Fuckin wankers."

Okay, so maybe he's more talking about himself here, but Chris still thinks he gets what Olive's on about.